blown-out offroad exotics with BFGs offroad... send support. get schwag.

The 'slightly longer than the short short version' version... Assemble a (replica) 2001 Lamborghini Diablo 6.0 on a custom-modified Humvee chassis to be used as a marketing tool to create a network, gather funds for and to assemble a team to develop a next-gen driver/shooter video game [based on said vehicle and others like it, driving through rabid terrain, killing mutants, demons and aliens to save the planet] by travelling to specific automotive-related venues across the country.

The purpose of this campaign is to build a mobile promotional vehicle that will be used to raise funds for and to pave the way for the next phase of fundraising... the Superbeast A.A.S.S. (more on this below). That about sums it up! You could become a member and support now or you can take five more minutes of your time and read the full version below...

C is for Countach. I had a Countach poster as a dumb kid. It wasn’t until much later that I read some stuff. Now I use words like internal combustion suspension configuration via analog downforce joystick settings in single sentences to confuse and distract the impressionable from finding their keys. This usually works for the first thousand rpms... sigh. Between the subscriptions to numerous publications, lawless excursions and random drooling, I grasped the necessities of long-travel suspension, torque, low-gear crawling and horsepower.

While researching the legendary supercar manufacturer Ferrucio Lamborghini, the thought occurred to me that, weather permitting, Lamborghini’s original intent had not been to produce just a car or just a tractor, but integration. Lam was making his dream, in pieces, unknowingly developing the ultimate superior vehicle or USV. In retrospect, I doubt the mechanical prodigy daily drooled while dwelling on the integration of tractor and supercar but for the sake of circumspection, the story continues…

For longer than I am able to remember I have been fascinated by supercars and offroading. One fine evening, the eureka moment struck. What follows has haunted me, almost every day for over twenty years now. By integrating the aesthetics of the supercar with the performance and capabilities of an offroad monster, I have created the ultimate superior vehicle. Well, not actually created one. That's why I'm here. To make this dream... a reality. I joined the US Army to pay for school then got my bachelors degree in digital animation and game design from a place with very fast internet specializing in computer technology.

I had planned on taking this concept to the interactive digital realm of next-gen gaming. I was planning world domination with a one-off original driver-shooter. Imagine if you will... a 2001 Lamborghini Diablo 6.0 on a custom Humvee chassis, loaded with helicopter mini-guns, plasma-firing grenade launchers and 37" super swamper-boggers traversing rapidly changing insane terrain... killing mutants, demons and aliens to save the planet... Rated M for mature.

That was the plan. As I have experienced, nothing goes according to plan... Time for a new plan.

Back in the day of the USV concept origination, video games were slung together by a few creative artists and programmers in a garage. Current generation console games are complex endeavours assembled by swarms of goal-oriented developers thrashing out code, creating worlds within worlds on steadfast deadlines, masticating monolithic cash reserves to meet contract obligations. The final product is a compilation of the labors of hundreds of dedicated and talented gaming enthusiasts.

I started the business in 2004 out of Tempe, AZ. I cannot recall what I was thinking at the time, just that, I knew I was on to something, just not sure how to start doing what needed to get done. Here I am now... recharging my batteries for the next frontal assault [ver.5.8]. Crunkmetal Industries will be responsible for the fund-raising and assembly of the Crunkmetal Superbeast (more on this below). After assembly, the Superbeast will travel the nation following (automotive-related) events as a supporter in search of charitable contributions for a very special charity for children diagnosed with life-threatening medical conditions (more info to come) while spreading the word of the interactive experience CiLLco ultimately aspires to develop.

[This is a multi-stage project, of which the following occurs after construction of the Crunkmetal Superbeast -- after this campaign.] The ultimate goal is an enhanced version of the original next-gen driver/shooter concept (the pitch listed above). With a few slight modifications... we will bring the party to you. Here's how... It's called the A.A.S.S. - Air-Actuated Simulation System. After construction of the Superbeast, a 2001 Lambo 6.0 [replica] integrated with a modified Humvee chassis (helicopter mini-guns optional) we literally connect our coach to our gaming console.

Why? Because I refuse to accept that I suffer from delusions of grandeur. How many times have you been asked 'what would you do with a million bucks?' This is the mission I will fulfill. And because, if one believes that anything is possible and dreams really do come true... one should go all-out ludicrous speed with the pursuit of that dream and I'm going to take you along for the ride!

In 3D modeling/animation, we have what are called 'dummy' boxes. These dummy boxes are not visible to the end user. Instead they are used for other purposes, like triggering trapdoors or moving a character in a certain way, that make the animation/rendering/programming process less time-intensive. In this scenario, there are four dummy boxes. Each box is linked to a corner [airbag suspension unit] of the Superbeast (real world).

The vehicle 'controls' (steering, shifting, gas and brake) used by the driver, control his/her pace throughout the game. Responses from the players actions within the Superbeast control the players actions in the game, invoking the dummy boxes as the users traverse the terrain. As the player progresses throughout the game, the dummy boxes linked to the 3D model of the in-game vehicle react with the level map of the terrain. As the dummy boxes are linked to the suspension of the real-world Superbeast, the players are thrown about, inside the vehicle, as if they were actually four-wheeling (in the real world).

The best next-gen video games optimize what is called 'immersion'. The more a producer/developer can immerse a viewer in the game, the higher the intensity of the gameplay and the more the player feels a part of the scenario playing out before him/her. Originally, the idea was to replace the windscreen and side windows of the Superbeast with full-screen displays. At the time of concept origination, this technology was not yet available. In May 2015, this technology was displayed at the CES (Consumer Electronics Show) as a proof-of-concept in a 55" format. Although rather expensive and bulky, this WAS the original option for display.

The prime choice for the endgame, using the latest in advancing technology, currently being developed and tested by several companies within the gaming industry is known as Virtual Reality. Oculus Rift is one such example that offers developers the opportunity to create hyper-realistic games with current gaming engine technology (Unreal Engine, Unity). In this instance, the driver and passenger (shooter) enter the Crunkmetal Superbeast, don Oculus Rift headsets and begin gameplay. Any and all motion of the players within the Superbeast in coordination with vehicular controls and the A.A.S.S. create a symbiotic relationship between man and digital realm so realistic, I've contemplated lining the interior of the Superbeast with a waterproof washable interior, anticipating players with weak stomachs.

Alas, the prior endeavour encompasses the final stages of a multi-stage production requiring resources and expertise beyond my technical capabilities. I have the passion and desire to make this happen, yet, last time I looked, I build and ship computers. I'm not a VR programmer with a Swiss bank account. I won't have to be if this campaign kicks off, as one ulterior motive of building? the Crunkmetal Superbeast is to travel the nation to assemble a network of like-minded individuals interested in assembling the digital interactive experience! [More on this below!]

Back to the Superbeast. bout fifteen years ago, I pieced together a cost analysis... for production of the prototype. At the time, the turnkey model would cost roughly $150k, if I did most of the assembly, with the help of a few trustworthy experienced friends. Accommodating for inflation and adjustments in design, the production cost for the USV will run closer to $350k.

This cost includes the purchase of a turnkey (replica) 2001 Lamborghini Diablo 6.0, the purchase of a used military Humvee, transportation charges, design and fabrication and final touches including hideaway replica helicopter mini-machine guns, waterproof external speakers (for the alarm system blaring the sound of automatic machine-gunfire), the powertrain... A Cummins [] turbo diesel with *adjustable power tuner* bundle and a decent sound system... because, you know... CRUNKMETAL!!!

Soooo... what is the purpose of a this atrocity? Well, while attending college, my business instructor had mentioned the concept of the 'purple cow'. The concept Seth Godin speaks about in his book 'Purple Cow' is that in order to market your business/product an entrepreneur needs a 'thing' that stands out, something absolutely remarkable... something that will burn an after-image in your mind, something that you won't forget, something that you have to tell your friends about, something to talk about.

With all of the cookie cutter vehicles on the street these days, I have the feeling that if you came upon the Crunkmetal Superbeast driving down the interstate you may just have a little something more to talk about tonight. You may even start shooting... video with your hand-held device and share with friends. You may just become a part of the club, part of the mystery, part of the urban legend at it's inception. This is the purple cow... or bull for those in the know.

As I learned in my short stint with the developer Sculptured Software in Salt Lake City, Utah, bug testing WWF4 on the first Playstation before it's release on September 8th 1995, everyone and his brother has a 'great' game concept. The executive producer had explained to me that in order to succeed, I would need something original, something that stands out... something that shows I am more than just an idea generator... Something tangible that will get results... I need something that piques curiosity.

The Superbeast is that catalyst. The Purple Cow (Superbeast) will be used to gather interest (funding and networking) for further stages of the campaign. With enough interest, I think game producers and/or investors may start taking me seriously, making funding for the driver/shooter next-gen video game a little bit easier to acquire.

Why would you fund this campaign just so I can build a one-of-a-kind truck? Well, you don't. What your funding is the inception of an urban legend. It's not only the truck that's being funded. It's what the truck is about and all that follows...

The Superbeast is the door to a life-long dream, twenty plus years of daydreaming, an endeavour that is the epitome of all I've strived to do... to be. It is a representation of all that is life as an American. This is the opportunity for an average citizen to break free from the chains that bind 99% of us, the one and great desire to be free, to live as one wishes to live... in pursuit of dreams, one and all. No longer living simply for a paycheck, but to actually produce for self and others a new moment in time and an experience like none other. To seize the chance of a lifetime and share my dream with those like me while helping others along the way.

So what does Crunkmetal Industries LLc do with the Superbeast once the unit is ready to shake the earth beneath us? Funny you should ask. I want to share it with you. I want to see all the places that I've never been able to due to the constraints of financial responsibility. I want to follow the aftermarket automotive circuit. The Superbeast will make appearances at truck shows, car shows, the NHRA circuit, any opportunity to get a whiff of cotton candy in the air (the smell of expended high octane race fuel) and more.

But most importantly... as you've made my dream a reality, I intend to use the Superbeast to help those who are not so... lucky. At every scheduled location, the Crunkmetal Superbeast collects donations for charity. I originally chose one charity in particular [which cannot be mentioned here due to a logical conflict between the ethos of what this great foundation does and the mature content of the Crunkmetal prospective virtual interactive game] but due to some negative criticism from my research group, it appears to a select few, that this... is a scam. I completely understand your mistrust during these difficult times, but you know what? You’re right. Being successful and retiring isn’t for everyone. Clearly you’re happy doing what you’re doing, so that’s great! I’m happy for you.

While on the road, attending events with the Superbeast, I will be raising funds for charity. The intent of Crunkmetal Industries is to donate ALL of the available contributions above operating expenses - the cost of doing business (transport, living expenses and a modest livable salary). That is... 100% of contributions minus the expenses of making this all possible.

Establishing trust. We aspire to establish and maintain the highest level of trust by incorporating transparency of all revenue allocation. This information will be public knowledge. All contributions will be accounted for and available for viewing online in a public format. Establishing and maintaining trust throughout our operation is key to the survival of any altruistic enterprise.

The original crowdsourcing campaign was going to be an attempt at mass-producing a toy that I came up with one night in Arizona. I like working with my hands. I like to create. So one night, I was learning how to tie a knot called the 'monkeyfist'. I had about a half-dozen monkeyfists made of 3/8th polybraid rope accumulating on the ground and chose three to tie together. I can't really say why, I just did. The outcome was a rudimentary set of what are more commonly known as bolas. I am ballplayer.

Bolas have a history. According to Wikipedia, bolas, also known as the Three Marias, were used around the 14th and 15th centuries by the indigenous Argentinian cowboys, the Gaucho, to catch free-range cattle. The Gauchos wrapped weights (rocks) in leather pouches bound by leather rope, all tied at a nexus. While riding on horseback, they would spin the bolas above their heads, and with good timing, throw the bolas at the cattle's feet. The bolas would tangle around the legs of the targeted animal. If successful, the fallen animal was captured and then domesticated. I am ballplayer.

So here I am, with no prior knowledge of this centuries old tool, thinking to myself... hey look, a cool toy! I began 'juggling' the roped balls around. There is no easy way to say it... I sucked. I can only imagine what I looked like... What if someone were watching? But the key here was that I sensed something in the motion, the rhythm. There was something about how they moved and how I moved about them as they moved faster around my body... my face. The harder I tried, the faster they moved... the harder they hit when I wasn't agile enough to dodge. And they hit hard! I've had multiple black eyes, cracked my nose twice and may be a future chemotherapy recipient for advanced testicular cancer. All jokes aside, I've been playing with my balls for over eight years now. I am ballplayer.

Each and every time I play with my balls, it's a new experience. My hand/eye coordination has improved exponentially. I have incorporated music with a good beat and rhythm to my routine and found myself on extended play. I have attained speeds once thought unattainable. I have found though, that I tend to get strange looks when I play with my balls in public. I've often found myself explaining this campaign to law enforcement, as others do not necessarily share the same enthusiasm for my ball-playing antics. I am ballplayer.

Like a skateboard, every time you play with your balls, you get a little better, a little faster and a bit more daring. If you've ever done one of those extreme (solo) sports that require hand/eye coordination, you know that every time you do it, your skill increases. That first Ollie, that first 360, that first 4' drop on a downhill run... it's that same feeling. I am ballplayer.

I'm a bit camera shy. Mr. Snowden may be available to clear this up for you (facial recognition, NSA data collection, ARGUS-IS...) so I was a bit hesitant about shooting video of the action. But... without video you would simply have to believe... so I bit the bullet and shot some of the action... see below. What you see below are the (heavily-redacted) moments of me playing with my balls. parental discretion is advised... I am ballplayer.

This is that part of the campaign where I attempt to cover my ass. My balls are dangerous! I strongly recommend that any attempt to play with my balls be done with extreme caution and added protection. I suggest BOTH an eye guard and a jockstrap/cup. As previously mentioned, I can attest to the debilitating consequences of a bad timing. I cannot be held responsible for a dwindling population of sterile half-blind lunatic adventure seekers. With that said, I want you to have fun playing with my balls.

Each set of balls is handmade, here in the U.S.A. balls are made of 3/8" polybraid glow-in-the-dark rope, tightly wound around golf balls. Other than some 550 paracord to hold the three monkeyfists together, that's basically it. Each set I have created and used has lasted at least a year with constant use. For best performance, after a few hours of use, I suggest applying a small flame to the rope to reduce the fuzz created by static charge (from use) surrounding the rope. This will prolong the life of the balls.

So what's stopping you from making your own set? Nothing. I found the instructions for the monkeyfist online. After a few tries, I had the knot down. Actually, I'd like to see you make a set to practice on, so that by the time your fresh glow-in-the-dark balls come in the mail, you are well-versed in the art of balls... and hopefully ready to play in the dark.

The campaign price of the balls is high. This is mostly because I'll be making them myself. This takes a bit of practice and quite some time. I want to make sure you get a quality product. A product that I would use myself. The actual material cost (currently) of a set is less than $10, but then there's the cost of putting a set together. Of course, the thought had occurred to me that I could travel to the land of the creative genius behind the Bolas inception, and employ a village of Argentinian children... but... there are just so many things wrong with this.

I've also thought of several different options for the balls construction. Different types of rope (bungee anyone?), different lengths, different size balls, different materials... you name it. Ultimately, I would like to see a mass-produced product that delivers blows that are not so... disabling. I'd like to manufacture sets with a 'Nerf-like' foam substance that allows for the same speed, but simply won't knock you out. Again... something more to think about.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Alternately, if you'd like a custom set or have a design of your own you'd like to see put together for play, I'm open to suggestions. I will also accept materials as submissions for production of custom sets. Send in the materials you would consider assembled in a custom set. I'd like to see how creative you can be with your balls. With these materials, I will attempt to assemble a unique set just for YOU! For address location, send an email with following in the 'subject' line: "it takes balls".

In short... I spend way too much time thinking about how to properly present this concept in a way that doesn't offend anybody...

With this campaign, I have hopes of acquiring the start-up capital necessary to create a solid foundation for a wild and crazy future that allows me the freedom to accomplish all those dreams I once believed possible while helping bring a few smiles to others along the way. I set the campaign goal of one million dollars for a couple of reasons. One, I often hear the quip 'what would you do with a million dollars?', and quite frankly, I don't know a soul with cooler plans to spend a million bucks and two... I've heard and it's been written in few places... expect costs to be 3X your anticipated costs. I'm simply expecting the unexpected.

Regarding the post-campaign ambitions of assembling a development team for the next-gen driver/shooter to be used with the A.A.S.S.... Why wait until completion of the Superbeast to assemble a development team? The technology is here now! Developers are at this very moment compiling code, creating levels and modeling preternatural creatures for interactive gameplay in virtual environments. I recollect being near graduation, looking at all of the incredibly talented individuals in my immediate presence yearning for an opportunity like this. This could be YOU!

One of us! One of us! One of us!

Crunkmetal Industries is seeking developers to build a playable prototype to interact with the A.A.S.S. We need game devs (3D modelers, animators, level designers, programmers of all sorts - especially for the Oculus virtual experience), engineers experienced in various automotive technologies and the most important aspect of any outrageous undertaking... fans. We need a network of die-hard believers to spread the word about this crusade. Tell one, tell them all... the Crunkmetal is coming! All interested parties with a proven skillset, dead set on delivering, should forward portfolio and/or examples for review. Please add the following in the 'subject' line: "A.A.S.S. potential developer candidate". Of course, we'll make our best effort to reply to your requests, but I have a feeling that it's gonna start getting real busy around here and it may take a short while to get back with you.

For those who help fund the Crunkmetal Superbeast, CiLLco will keep you posted on the latest and greatest in the adventures of a madman's quest for the ultimate gaming experience in the form of a blog for the united. We'll let you know when we'll be in your area and try to return the favor in the form of a free-play party for contributors. But again... I'm getting ahead of myself.

BALLS

$100 per set. For the campaign price of $100, I ONLY need to make 10,000 sets to reach my campaign goal of one million dollars. That's a lot of balls. Campaign contributors will receive their balls, first come, first serve. Each set is handmade with glow-in-the-dark 3/8th inch polybraid rope wrapped around golf balls. The set is held together at the nexus with 550 paracord. Each set will be inspected for potential use, construction and durability.
* These are actual images of the balls being offered by this campaign.

Tshirts

$20 per tshirt. Tshirts are black or red with the CRUNKMETAL logo on the front and centered. On the back of the tshirt is an image of the SUPERBEAST prototype mockup. Please specify size and color.
* Due to circumstances beyond our control, actual images on product may vary slightly from displayed images on website.

Posters 36"x24" [gloss finish]

$25 per poster. Each 36"x24" poster has a GLOSSY finish of your choice of custom original artwork - Lambo6.0 or the PitViper
* Due to circumstances beyond our control, actual images on product may vary slightly from displayed images on website.

Posters 11"x17" [premium poster card stock]

$13 per poster. Each 11"x17" poster has a PREMIUM POSTER CARD STOCK finish of your choice of custom original artwork - Lambo6.0 or the PitViper
* Due to circumstances beyond our control, actual images on product may vary slightly from displayed images on website.

Hats

$25 per hat. Black flex-fit wool blend hat. 83% acrylic, 15% wool, 2% spandex six-panel, low-profile fitted-looking structured hat with the Crunkmetal logo embroidered on front.
* Due to circumstances beyond our control, actual images on product may vary slightly from displayed images on website.

Beanies

$20 per beanie. 100% acrylic knit, Stretchy knit fabric, 8.5" length black beanie cap with the Crunkmetal logo near the brim.
* Due to circumstances beyond our control, actual images on product may vary slightly from displayed images on website.

Be part of a surreptitious conspiracy...

...to blind and abuse young male children without actually touching them yourself. proper protective equipment required.
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CRANKERS VON METALASTICA